When we have already been told that the end is close, it is hard to walk away for any length of time, but still necessary in some circumstances. My children were so protective of me when we knew that Lewis would not be with us more than a few hours. It was so very difficult, but the children were so very sweet and loving. It was Jennifer's birthday the morning before he was gone, and it never even dawned on me. He had requested a May birthday party for everyone just about a week before so that he would not miss anyone's birthday. Seems like most of the birthdays are in May in our family. But that was a really hard year for birthdays. And a really hard year for saying goodbye. Lewis died on May 18. My daddy died on October 8 the same year. Jennifer and I sat with him and Mom until it was time to put Mom to bed that night after they had picked up Dad's body. Never was sure she even understood what had taken place, but maybe that was for the best. The next year she went to sleep before October 1, and never woke up. The nurse said she had a smile on her face when she went to check on her. Sometimes we say goodbye and just have to accept that it may be for the last time. Think both of my parents were more than ready for that last goodbye.
This morning Michelle told me that Joe chose Easter Sunday to say his last goodbye. He had already visited with his mom, his three brothers, and two daughters, but he called for Michelle and waited until she got there before removing his oxygen mask. I am so glad that he got to choose the time. Now their family will need time to mourn and heal from loss.
My doctor told me this morning that it is ok to cry, and that it is probably a good thing to do that. It is not easy to deal with emotions, at least it is not easy for me. It feels as if one is in a freefall that has no certain boundaries. Where are the brakes, the parachute, the reins to pull up to a stop? And then there are the dogs who want to comfort their mom with licks, cuddles, and whines. And nevermind about being around anyone else in public. See, tears feel private to me. Only Lewis and the children ever saw me in a "meltdown" moment. And dear hearts, crying gives this ol' girl a humongous headache. Not exactly a migraine, but close enough. Anyway, being emotional over my own feelings about others is enough to keep me away from public displays. So funerals and such are almost impossible. When Janis, Connie's mom, died, I went to be there for her two girls as they had absolutely no family. Not sure just how much help it was to them, but it made me feel as if they knew I cared. Now Connie has spent enough time with me that we both know and agree that some things are just bound to happen with Rebekah. The timing is totally uncertain, but some things do seem inevitable. This past few years have not been easy, but it seems our world just keeps getting more wobbly every day. It is good to know that God is on His throne. And that someday there will be no more tears.
May this be a night of rest for all of you. Remember always: You are loved.
No comments:
Post a Comment